Friday, September 2, 2011

Chapter two...

And here we go again. The dreaded first post. I'm not sure what it is about the blank white page that I always find so intimidating. It honestly doesn't take too much effort to start filling it up, even without really saying much of anything. Kind of like what I'm doing now. See?  Already I've eliminated several lines of the scary white and filled it with... whatever color and font I chose. I forget what it is now.

So basically this blog is a continuation, of sorts, of my old blog One Crazy Mutha.  That blog started in 2005 and ended rather abruptly in 2007 when my husband (second) decided he didn't want to be married anymore. I'm not sure why I abandoned it. I just did. I've attempted to start over a few times since, but somehow none of the pieces would fit. I've missed blogging. I've missed writing. I've missed having a place to dump all my shit. The pretty shit and the not so pretty shit. I miss the freedom of saying what I want, when I want, in any way that I want. I hate feeling censored, which almost always tends to happen when people  start to pay attention to what you say. So...this is a read at your own risk type of thing.  My priority is to try to get back to where I was four years ago, when I would dump my truth onto these pages in truck loads and not give a second thought as to who was doing the reading or the judging. 

A lot has changed for me during my blogging haitus. I've gotten divorced, moved back to my home town, got a job, quit a job, had hundreds of anxiety attacks, fell in love, got my heart broken, fell back in love, and lost my mind. I've made mistakes. Some by accident. Some on purpose. I've managed to keep my son alive and relatively happy and heathy to the ripe old age of seven. I have a new found love of spicy food and flavored beers. My hair has fallen out, my muscles have entered a state of "forever tense", and I've struggled financially. I'm in the process of filing bankrupty...and by "in the process" I mean I still have to call a lawyer and make an appointment. I'm trying to do whatever I can with my doll business to keep it afloat because, for me, getting a "real" job is a slow death. Just thinking about it right now made it a little hard to breath. I'm currently living with the love of my life as we're both busy making mistakes and adjustments and loving each other. It's been fun and passionate, and sometimes messy and painful.

And...this is the road I'm on.  Where it will lead to doesn't matter nearly as much as the ride to get there. So that's pretty much what I hope this blog becomes. Excerpts and snapshots of a journey to God knows where. Chapter two...

OCM, who feels the weight being lifted.

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