To say it’s been a while is an understatement. It’s been six long years since I’ve visited these pages. Six long years since I’ve written. Anything, basically. I didn’t quit writing exactly. I just put it away. The same way I put away my art, my photography, and my love of reading books. I don’t think it was on purpose. I got busy with other things. For four of those years I worked almost non stop. Days, nights, and weekends. I’m not sure anyone even noticed. Whatever time that was left I most likely spent doing laundry and all the other mundane jobs in life that no one else cares to do. I kept as busy as I could, partly to escape reality, and partly because I didn’t really have a choice. Each of those years, as well as the ones before and the ones that followed were sprinkled with lies and mini betrayals. Spaced perfectly, though probably not purposefully, so each impact would be slightly more painful than the last. A couple of those years were also filled with dealing with my SA’s mother and her failing health, and then her passing, and her affairs. It’s difficult to watch someone slowly dying over such a long period of time. Especially someone who was so sad, surrounded by other people telling her it was all her fault. 2019 was spent mourning the loss of someone who never really existed and has not passed. It was eye opening as well as traumatic and I definitely have not worked through it all yet. Then 2020 arrived to kick us all in the ass. That, too, was eye opening in far too many ways to wrap my brain around right now. It’s was a collective trauma experienced by every person in the world, in their own way. It’s was ugly, and hateful, and it tore people apart. It’s was also a time of reflection, that for some, shined the light on what is really important, and brought some of those people together. And for others, it highlighted how very unimportant they are. Even within their own lives.
And six years later, here I am, back to the very place I first found my voice. 2021 seems a good year to find it again. It has a lot more to say. I’m rusty and it may take me a while to find the words I need in order to tell the stories, but it’s time. It also feels like it’s time to dig out all of the other things I’ve put away. The things I love and the things that always brought me happiness. So, that’s it. Here I Am. Back in the saddle again, and looking forward to finding my safe space again.
Hope, who is glad this dreaded first post is over. Again.
