Sunday, December 18, 2011

Tis the Season...

I know last time I promised a pretty peek into what happens when you stop taking the "take every 4 to 6 hours as needed" drug,'s Christmas. Almost. And my body and nervous system have basically recovered and moved on to new exciting things.  Like my left ovary. I would love to be able to say that after two ultra sounds and a doctors visit we know what the problem is, but of course that isn't the case. It never is.  I remember years ago an RN friend of mine saying..."People think medicine is a really isn't. It's more like an Art."  She was right. It's an Art and often times a Guessing Game. So rather than knowing what's wrong exactly, we don't. We know what it might be, but don't know what it is. But whatever it is, it's on my left ovary. Basically my three options included...the "let's wait and see if it grows"...the "open me up and try to remove it"...or the "go through the belly button and removed the whole ovary."  Because there is no real way to rule out the C word and I don't plan on using that part of my body again, I chose option 3. So that is what I'll be getting for my 40th birthday. Fabulous. It better include percocet.

I do feel somewhat proactive.  I mean, why wait and see?  Maybe if I were 20 and wanted a boatload of kids, but at this age the wait and see method takes on a whole new meaning. Time is precious and in thinking about the "what ifs" over the past week, I realized I don't really want to waste much time waiting for anything. I want to enjoy as much as I can, and if I don't enjoy it...I don't want to do it.  It's pretty simple.  I'm not sure how easy it will be for me to stick to that, given my personality and make up...BUT...I do know that the world won't end if I start taking time to enjoy my life.

But despite all that and some family drama that kind of crept up on me...I am managing to enjoy the season. My wallet isn't enjoying it, of course, but my wallet is a huge scrooge most of the time anyway.

My son is waiting with great anticipation for Santa to bring him everything on his list, which he will of course. He always does, because Santa is friggen awesome!  This might be the last year of believing. I hope not. Life is never as sweet as when you are a child who can believe in the unbelievable. I want him to hold onto that. I want to hold onto that in him. So I will.

Merry Christmas to the rest of you out in Bloggerville! 

Hope, who will continue to take it as comes, and fa la la la la la la.